


This Never Happened Before - Stucky

by TrueHannahLou



Category: Bonnie & Clyde - Wildhorn/Black/Menchell, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Cuddles, Feels, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29009181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueHannahLou/pseuds/TrueHannahLou
Summary: Bucky struggles to feel like himself again, and to make sense of his relationship with Steve. Steve just wants to be there for Bucky, no matter what.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	This Never Happened Before - Stucky

**Author's Note:**

> This song always reminds me of Bucky so I'm finally getting around to writing this little fic!   
> Word Count: 1427

_ Feel sorta clumsy, I guess I’m rusty _

As a highly trained assassin, it would likely come as a shock to others if they could see how Bucky fumbled around trying to take off his clothes and the clothes of his best friend. His fingers got tripped up at his belt and his mind got tripped up on the fact that he was undressing for Steve.  _ Steve  _ of all people.

_ Ain’t done this since God knows when _

From what Bucky could remember, they’d been together since they were just kids. They’d lived together too, he remembered that. The heat never worked, but that wouldn’t have mattered because Steve still would have been cold anyways. But it was the things Bucky couldn’t remember that bothered him most. He couldn’t remember how their relationship went from just friends, brothers even, to something more. He couldn’t remember what it felt like to kiss Steve for the first time. And, probably for the best, he couldn’t remember the suspicion and slurs that were thrown their way. 

_ It may take some little time, babe _

_ Till I raise hell again _

Everything was new for Bucky. He had to learn how to be a normal person again, and that seemed so impossible he couldn’t even begin to imagine it. He couldn’t sleep without a nightmare and he couldn’t go out in public without feeling like he had to be on high alert. It was a kind of trauma that most people, even modern soldiers, didn’t have to deal with. So, recovery was going to take some time, and although Steve had promised that he’d be there every step of the way, Bucky didn’t see himself getting better any time soon.

_ Just hold me darling, that’s all I’m needing _

Steve didn’t care about a damn thing except for Bucky. Obviously he was able to find it within himself to pretend, but now that he had Bucky back, that was all he was concerned with. They had a long road ahead of them, he knew that to be true, but even just having Bucky with him was an incredible first step towards making things right again. He’d be satisfied with anything, any amount of progress, no matter how miniscule it seemed. Because truly, to him, it was a miracle. 

_ You ain’t got nothing to prove _

They’d both been through a lot. Steve would admit to that easily. He didn’t need to hear all the little details, or excuses, or apologies from Bucky. They were navigating new quirks that came about as a result of manipulation and torture, of course Steve didn’t need to hear a reason. Things were going to be tough for a while. Hell, things would never go back to the way they were before. But Bucky was a reminder to him of everything good in the world, everything that kept  _ him  _ holding on throughout the darkest moments. And if Steve could be that for Bucky, he really didn’t care about anything else.

_ Just lyin’ with you is perfect _

_ We’ll spoil it if we move _

As the two men had discovered, the desire to be intimate was not the issue. Putting it into practice and actually  _ doing  _ anything was a bit of a struggle. Steve had waited over half a century for Bucky, so he was sure he could wait just a little bit more. It was Bucky who got more frustrated over the matter though. No matter how much he wanted it, he just couldn’t  _ do  _ anything. He was used to pushing through, not freezing up. Steve thought Bucky was just putting too much pressure on himself to do too much too fast, but Bucky was worried he wasn’t doing enough for Steve, no matter what the context. He wasn’t content to just lay there together. Well, scratch that, of course he was, but he felt guilty for not being able to give Steve anything more than that because Steve was so nice, and so good, and so forgiving for every little thing and it drove Bucky insane. 

_ I ain’t been sleepin’ too good for a while _

_ But I’ll soon be old loverboy… _

“I’m sorry I’m always coming in here this late,” Bucky said quietly as he tried settling into the bed. The mattress was far too soft and squishy to actually be comfortable, and he’d truly have preferred the floor, but Steve was in the bed and that was reason enough to stay. Bucky didn’t want to drift off anyway, he’d only fall into one of his nightmares. Whether those images that haunted him were real or not was another thing that kept him awake at night. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Steve said. “I told you I’d be here whenever you needed me,” he reminded him. “But maybe you should try being the one to get some sleep tonight, hmm?” Steve suggested, glancing over at the brunet beside him. Of course Steve knew Bucky wasn’t getting any sleep. After all the time they’d spent together, Steve knew Bucky in just about every way there was to know a person. He could see right through him, but that didn’t mean he was always going to say something about it. He did have a bit of an unfair advantage at the moment, after all. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Bucky responded noncommittally. He wasn’t eager to let himself sleep and he especially wasn’t eager to wake up from a nightmare in Steve’s presence. 

_ Don’t worry let’s take it slow babe _

_ One night at a time _

_ Just staying close will keep me satisfied _

“We’ll try it tonight, alright?” Steve asked, knowing Bucky responded a bit better to questions rather than just suggestions. “Here,” he said, shifting so he could wrap his arms around Bucky as he pulled him closer against his chest. “Is that good?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah, ‘sgood,” Bucky mumbled quietly, trying to ignore the way he nearly melted at Steve’s touch. He’d always been the one to take care of Steve, not the other way around. This felt very different, though admittedly not in a bad way. Steve had always needed Bucky, they both knew that much, but now the roles were reversed. “I always held you and waited for you to fall asleep,” Bucky said after a moment of thought.

“You did,” Steve gave a small nod. “Usually only when I was sick… but I was always sick for one reason or another,” he chuckled softly. “Now I guess I get to do the same for you,” he said, clearly content with that arrangement. 

_ Think I’m in heaven _

Bucky could already feel himself drifting off. Weeks on end of fighting off sleep in favor of avoiding the nightmares caught up to him all in that one moment, but at that point he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He felt safe in Steve’s arms, so much stronger than he remembered them being. Bucky was glad that the scrawny kid he remembered, the one with a heart of gold, was still there under all the layers of muscle. It took both the men back to Brooklyn, when things weren’t necessarily easier but when they were blissfully unaware of the torment the future held. That barely crossed Bucky’s mind though, because Steve was too close for him to ignore in favor of dwelling on fear, anxiety, or regret. 

_ Feel that way too babe _

_ This night should have been so much more _

“I gotta thank you somehow,” Bucky mumbled softly, knowing he owed it to Steve to show him how much this really meant to him. “I’d be able to if I could just quit freezing up…” he trailed off, shaking his head to push the thought out of his mind. Steve smiled knowingly at Bucky’s stubbornness. 

“I’m glad you freeze,” Steve said. “If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I’m not in any hurry,” he assured him. “And besides,” he added, “this is just fine by me.” 

“But you deserve more,” Bucky protested, finding where Steve’s hand rested against his side and lacing their fingers together. “You deserve so much more.”

“ _ I told you, bein’ with you is enough babe, _ ” Steve assured him, giving Bucky a gentle kiss on the forehead.

_ This never happened before _

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky said after a long moment of silence. It was all he could think to say, because in that moment it was all he could feel.

“I love you too,” Steve responded. It was the first time he’d heard those words in literal decades. And it was progress. No matter how small.

_ This never happened before. _


End file.
